I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
