the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
