Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
