Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
