did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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