I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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