god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
