Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
