I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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