**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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