8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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