He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
