were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
