i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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