from now on my penis is your penis
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
