But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
