i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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