the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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