Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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