You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
