I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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