so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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