So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
