tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
