By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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