but the lizard people decide everything anyway
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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