You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
