i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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