yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
