it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
