ya dads aren't the best wingmen
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
