You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
