just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
