I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
