btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize