Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
