remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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