so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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