and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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