Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
