You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize