Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize