Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
