I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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