Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
As shirtless as possible
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
