we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
