oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
