had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
