quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
