There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
