He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
