ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize