Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
