wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
