My hand turned me down
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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