My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize