i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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