oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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