at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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