He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i think i just lost a toe
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
