He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
