I heard we made out
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
