This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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