mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Watching her eat just hurts me
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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