Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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