after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
