Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
