I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
