tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Your penis caused this!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
