dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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